why so rushed?

BOOM!

I'm back. It's been a while. Lots of things have happened since my last post.

I've been wanting to start my own restaurant/pub/bar/whatever for a while now, I've finally decided to give it a go and I put in my papers recently. Will be a jobless man preparing to turn an entrepreneur, very soon.

So here's the deal. I thought I'd work at a restaurant/hotel, understand how this works before diving into it. So I did what any sensible person would do, ask friends to me put in touch with restaurateurs, I also tried to contact people who run some of my favourite places.

I was quite surprised when most of the restaurateurs spoke about how this 'industry' has good money but is a tough life. Hardly anyone spoke to me about their love for food and how they enjoy creating new tastes or feeding customers and stuff like that. Their first comments were about money, I mean, come on you run a bloody restaurant not a fucking bank.

I don't expect people to run soup kitchens and there is nothing wrong with dreaming of making lots of money. Financial growth, security and leading a comfortable life are definitely important but I'm not too sure if they should be your sole purpose in life. I think this is obsession with money is what ruins our lives.

That got me thinking of the times we live in and how everybody is busy running, without stopping to look at the sights around them or even if they are on the right track. Stuck in jobs they don't like, whining about how their work sucks but not having the balls to pursue what they think will give them happiness, because they want to make money more than they want to be happy.

I'm not asking businessmen to stop thinking of ways to make more money, please do so, else we'd be killing ingenuity, creativity, inventions. That would just be a world full of dumb, lazy, incompetent sloths. However you've got to stop being so anal in your pursuit of profits. When is money ever going to be enough? You will always want a growth in margins, quarter on quarter, year on year. You will always want to cut down on expenditure, optimize even exploit your resources. Will you ever be content? No, cos you are just a greedy, blood sucking leach, a conniving bitch. Could you please try being a profit oriented human instead? Please I beg of you. That's the real problem with Capitalism isn't it? It's based on the principle of constantly trying to increase your pile of dough, it doesn't really care about how you go about doing it.

Think about it, most of the problems in our world are at some level linked to some bastard's greed. Just because some motherfuckers are in a great hurry to gain money, power, acceptance; we have crime, poverty, social disparity, wars and what not.

Chill the fuck out people. Don't be in such a terrible rush to make more money than you can stuff up your ass before lying on your pyre.

Ok enough of ranting; by all means, please strive to be successful, make money, make merry, but can you please have some humility and humanity to go with it? Is it really too much to ask for?

WTF is up with Indian advertising???

What is wrong with Indian advertising these days? Seems like there is a serious lack of ideas. All brands in a category seem to be talking about the same thing…sure you can argue that the products aren’t very different hence they might seem similar….agreed but the creative idea and execution can be different right?

Let’s look at cosmetics:
The Olay and Pantene ads….same concept…. same treatment...very very similar copy. Just the celebs are different I guess, who knows they might have some common models as well.

The fairness cream ads…every fortnight there seems to be a new variant and you can be sure that competition will have a similar one very soon, but you’d think they’d atleast make a different ad but NO!

The other thing that really pisses me off about cosmetics ads is that they are turning to scare tactics now…use me or you’d be fuck ugly…c’mon gimme a break…we’ve had beautiful woman for eons now we don’t really need jojoba extracts and peach creams do we….I recently saw an ad for anti ageing cream..very harmless talks about lines etc but the fuck up is it talks to 30 yr olds…if 30 yr old women need aging creams I’d much rather have them sent to concentration camps than have them use these creams….marketers seem to be talking the catch ‘em young principle to the extreme.

The other example of absolute same message is in the telecom space…..

Here is what I think happened during the briefing process for these campaigns

Client: lets talk about 3G…we are launching our services soon
Servicing guy: ok…so what features do u wanna talk about?
Client: U know about 3G, the new technology (which infact it isn’t…its more than a decade old)
Servicing guy: Yeah sure but what aspects of 3G, speed? Connectivity? Interactivity?
Client: everything man….why is it so hard for u guys to understand this stuff….why do u work on this account if u don’t know how cool 3g is?
Servicing guy (either panics or says suit ur self): yeah it really is a cool thing u know/u r the boss man…whatever u say…u know what lemme go over to the creative guys n see what we can come up with…I’ll get back to u soon…kthxbai!

SG to creative guy: We have a 3G campaign guys
Creative guy: ok so what’s the brief
SG: It’s a 3G campaign
CG: errrmmm I know but that isn’t a brief
SG: you do your job, don’t tell me how to do mine
CG: fuck u…come back 3 days later n take the crap I make

SG to CG: the brand window is too small don’t u think? Doesn’t really bring out the features of 3G
CG: whatever man..here are the files do whatever the hell u want with them


U get the picture….so all we see on tv is 3G is so cool and we have it ya’all…you gotta buy it cos sooner or later we’ll give it to u in one way or the other…

Consumer1 : So what do i get it activate 3G?
Consumer 2: No idea
Abhishek Bachchan: Get Idea….Awesome plugging don’t u think…"Th-th-th-that's all folks!"


There have been crappy ads before and there will crappy ads forever …that isn’t really the problem.

What I think is the problem is that either all agencies across the board have smoked up so much that their brain has evaporated and they just rehash stuff and put it out…or brands and brand managers are too busy focusing on visibility/other buzz words, have way too much money to spend and don’t really care about what their communication is and how its messes the consumers mind as long as their brands screams out louder than their competitions.

Well it isn’t all bleak out there…there is still a lotta good work being put out there…just that this horrible stuff outnumbers the good stuff…probably that’s what makes the good stuff really stand out…I don’t know.

This is giving me an idea though…will soon start an ad review blog…just hope I don’t fall into a laziness rut and manage to update it regularly. Suggestions are welcome (assuming u guys have managed read through this and wouldn’t mind more of this on a regular basis)

Smoke Screens

Take a drag....let it sink in....exhale.... repeat a few times...


As the smoke screen descends on to you, watch the world around you morph into a merry place.

small talk...BIG MEANING

Disclaimer/Note: This is a transcript of a chat conversation between a friend and me.

Why did I put it up here, you ask? Cos this seemingly meaningless conversation seems to have covered some interesting issues in a funny way.

You could either find it fascinating or absolute waste of time, but having bothered to arrive at my blog, you might as well go ahead and read the post and experience this piece of "seminal work in 'sarcastic realism'/ or plain shit" depending on how you see it.

P.S. I haven't bothered with editing or spell checking, but I guess you'd be able to make sense of the words.

me: heights of attention seeking

friend: what?

me: u r status msg....dont pretend

friend: oh please

its just funny

and it kinda rhymes

me: n sigh n say...rhyming u say

friend: oh nevermind

ur too grown up to appreciate these chilsish things

childish*

me: dont pull the age card on me

friend: lol

me: u cant now u know....u r in the 20s too now

friend: yeah but im on the better side of twenty

hehe

me: so am i

its jus 2 yr fyi

jus that when u r a twenty something n the other person is still a 'teen' u feel older

now that the age-berlin-wall has fallen...like it or not we are all in the same boat heading towards midlife crisis, responsibilities, bills etc

friend: okay okay..dont get so defensive :P

lol

thanks for that, now im really looking forward to the future

me: jus to illustrate what i mean...ur 'kid' sister will seem like a child to u now, but in ur few yrs time when ud be 40 something n shed be 30 something it wont be the sa,e

funny u know when u think abt it (about to delve into highly philosophical speech), the ultimate purpose of life is death....n all the things we do to keep ourselves alive

friend: (uhh ohh)

ahan...

we dont do them too keep ourselves alive

i think the focus is on making the life we have as enjoyable an experience as possible

me: ahan...we have a debator here nice...go ahead humour me n urself in the process

friend: sigh. its no fun debating when u have that attitude

me: hahaha ok

see i agree that u should do everything possible to have fun/live comfortably/enjoy ur time under the sun.....having said that what is the point in fretting over it when eventually u r jus gonna die

i mean does it really matter wether u take the hps wala fly over n get to lifestyle or take imax fly over n get to lifestyle

(see clever use of local knowledge to illustrate highly global n deep thought)

friend: lol....lol

so the MBA was worth something huh? :P

me: yeah i guess

u jus need to talk

connect random statements somehow n u'll be able to convince anyone abt anything

friend: hehe. two years to learn how to bullshit ur way thru anything?

im inspired now :P

me: but hey...the bullshit stems from a deeply rooted conviction

the two yrs also help in finding a few those

(or so i should be saying)

friend: did they reallly?

me: for me it was a paid vacation.....a postponement of something we all need to do eventually

friend: hehehe...

me: grow up n earn a living

friend: isnt it fun?

living on ur own? making ur own money?

me: no but it does have its beenfits also...so im not gonna short sell the mba dream to u...jus do it for the right reason not jus for the money

it is...but u also have to put with a lotta shit to make u r own money

friend: yeah im kinda waiting for the reason. dont wanna just do it, like engg

me: kinda draws a parallel to our life n its purpose discussion

friend: wjat shit?

hehe...there u go again!

me: living alone brings along a set of unique problems

worrying abt trash,. food, cleanliness basically stuff that u never even knew existed let alone thinking abt em

add to that, work issues...pressures deadlines etc etc

all this jus so u can "earn ur money", which in turn u need "to live like a king/have fun/etc"

when in reality u were having the same amount of fun at ur parent's expense

friend: lol

me: i know im sounding cynical

friend: first few years are struggle na? it shd get better soon...rt ?

me: but lemme also tell u the joy of buying stuff with ur won money is something that i can explain

or so u think

jus when u r earning enough, have risen at work n now can torment ur juniors....u have to settle down

buy a house. get married, make babies

which again have their own problems which im not yet qualified to talk abt

friend: lol...ever heard of living one day at a time?

or are u just doing this to mess with my head?

lol

me: yeah that is what i do

(the answer could be relevant for both the questions)

friend: hehe

me: so yeah its good to form ur own set of beliefs...delude ourselves n live n die for them

which is the primary cause for stuff like god,religion,profession

these are things we have invented to keep ourselves occupied n nt be depressed abt our futile attempts at existing

phew! move over platos,scorates n all the sex maniac babas...the greatest thinker ever is in the house bitches! i have solved the mystery

friend: true

haha

u wish!

u think ur the first person to think like ths?

me: u had to burst my bubble....didnt u

friend: heehee....

me: i know who am i kiddin...im jus part of the millions...im not special

blah! lets get back to our boring lives n to the most exciting thing ever "WORK"

friend: but u can always pretend

lol

me: yeah right....pretend after u suck the life out of dreamy monlogue

friend: awww

hehe

it was fun tho

me: see....i was right...u were bored n u need to talk...n u wanted to seek attention but be sly abt it

bloody hypocrite

friend: ya rt

u were equally bored

hence the philosophical lecture

anyway

go work now

me: guilty as charged...y wld i bother checking status msgs anyway

friend: go work! :P

me: i dont have any

friend: really?

damn

ok then i'll go work

ttyl!

me: yeah im done with what i had to do for the day....if something else comes along then id have to work again

yeah sure...go knock urself out

Not much has changed since

Barring physical aspects like facial hair, body weight and hormone levels & the addition of a few letters after my name {B.Tech (I.T.) , PGDM (C) }nothing really has changed over the last decade or to be specific ever since I finished 12th.


Here I am, goalless, ambition-less (well it's not all that bleak, there are like really long term big picture things like owning a restaurant/pub etc etc but nothing for the near future) and clueless for the most part of my waking moments. It's almost a zombie like existence, doing certain things cos they need to be done to stay alive or cos I have nothing better do.

I really don't know what it is that I wanna do in life or what it is that I like doing?

For as long as I can remember I wanted to be fighter pilot. I tried real hard to be one, cleared all the tests, interviews etc only to be told I couldn't be one cos spine isn't the way it ought to be.

That's it....that was the day that I thought, ok life doesnt end here...I'll figure something out, 7 years hence and I still haven't.

So let's look at a time line here.
At 17
Joined engineering cos that was the easiest possible next step, midway through it realised I don't wanna write code for a living. Age: 20 years Status: still clueless

At 21
Looked for the most exciting possible prospect. Thought advertising would be it. Status: Not entirely sure, but seemed like the best possible option.

At 23
Got a MBA, got a job, everything seemed to be fine. Thought I made the right choice.

Here I am at 24, quit my job, dunno what I'm gonna do next. Ok then again, my quitting my job had a whole lotta other factors involved and advertising might still be THE thing. But fact is at the big picture level I dunno what I'm meant to do, what my true calling is?


Ok let's stop the career talk here...I'll make money one way or the other, I'm still young there is still hope.


What about stuff like relationships, friends blah blah and all those things that matter to normal people.

I have some really nice friends, but I dunno if I can really call anyone a best friend, that is more my fault than theirs actually, have too many hangups n issues in life I guess. Have had little or no social life after I've moved to Bombay (while I was working had no time, when I did had no energy and now that I've quit, and have all the time in the world, I can't cos I don't think it's wise to splurge the little savings that I have)

So there you have it......I am 24, unemployed, aimless, not a single date in sight let alone a relationship, lost and clueless.....in most romantic comedies this would be the low point of the protagonist's life...looks like trash, eats cold pizzas etc etc...well since this is real life, I still enjoy my drink and a nice lil tandoori chicken. (Don't really know the purpose of the last few lines, but they seem funny so i'll keep em)

I am therefore as good or as bad as I was when I was 17.

Reminds of Sinatra's song 'It was a very good year........'

Carnivore

Just out of boredom.....list of all the various kindsa meat i've had\
Hen/Rooster/Cock (Chicken)
Goat/Sheep/Ram/Lamb (Mutton)
Cow/Buffalo (Beef)
Fish (fresh water, salt water{ way too many varieties to remember and list})
Prawns
Lobster
Crabs
Rabbit
Sparrow
Pig
Wild Boar
Shell Fish
Squid
Duck

And tons and tons of microbes...which makes me wonder aren't all of us non vegetarians in a way?

Top reasons: "Why assignments/dissertation will never be finished before time"

1. Just as you decide to start working on it, a long lost friend will ping you
2. After that conversation ends, you start reminiscing the good old days
3. You snap out of it after a while, but before you start you'd like to go over the contact list and check if anybody worth talkin to is online
4. You begin to look for the file, just then something more interesting catches your interest and you end up reading the doc/pdf/ppt or pic or whatever
5. You feel like logging onto facebook after a while, to check if any thing interesting has happened in the last half hr.
6. You get so bored of social networking that you'd wanna check out some porn.
7. After a while you actually begin working on it, while googling for some info, you come across something and one thing leads to another and lo! you end up looking at hot pics
8. Chotta chalega?....A yell from any corner of the hostel...and the only reply "han kyun nahi"
9.You need a 'break from all this chutiyap' so u start watching a movie
10. After a while you feel the urge to sort and classify your music and movie collection
11. You suddenly realise that you have a bunch of pictures you havent looked at yet, after that you'll want to look at old pictures and sort them as well.
12. You realise, that these reasons are worth documenting and that you should blog about it

Propoganda? Advertisement? Campaign? Aa su che bhai???

"The Congress party has already set aside a budget of Rs 150 crore for the coming general elections, in addition to its ongoing campaign in Delhi worth Rs 40 crore. Bhartiya Janta Party (BJP) is expected to shell out an equal sum to give Congress a tough electoral fight. Political parties are expected to spend over Rs 300 crore by March-April 2009. "- Indian Express


8(4 full page ) Adverts in TOI on a single day, some ad sales guy at Bennett must surely be very happy, after a long time he might be able to meet his targets. Moving on to a more important issue; I found it very odd that over the past week or so, the Ministry of Aviation seems to be inaugurating a new terminal every day and the other Ministries seem to be launching a new scheme or promising something or claiming that they kept their promise.

I wondered what brought this sudden bout of anxiety, this sudden want to proclaim "accountability"...didn't take me too long to realise that the elections are round the corner.


I don't have an issue with political advertising, for one it gives people jobs :P, jokes apart it's a free country and there's no harm in political parties using mass media for their election campaigns as long they limit themselves to putting for their agenda, manifesto, promoting their candidates. What I have an issue is why the tax payer's( as some one who would be paying taxes very soon, I don't want it to be misused) money is being used by the govt or shall we say the incumbents to help their cause.


Why this surrogate advertisement, let the INC open its deep coffers and spend it on the campaign, why do PSUs and depts which are already facing a strain have to suck up to the govt.


Chalo, for a while let us assume that various ministries and depts have actually done a good job and only want to spread the cheer and wanna paint the town red. Why do the ads feature The UPA chairman and the PM while the head of state the venerable Madam President (who doesn't seem to know much about protocol or anything else for that matter & btw is a UPA appointee) is glaringly absent.


Obama spent 60 odd mil on his campaign, but they were'nt govt funds, they were raised in the public domain, why can't our political parties do the same, after all they all have connections with industrialists.

WHY IS MY MONEY BEING USED TO SING YOUR PRAISES????

p.s. I know some guy was recently booked for defamation and fined for blogging 'objectionable' content.... If asking why tax payer's money is being misused by a polictal party or a consortium of oppurtunist leaders is defamation....go ahead sue me, I'll atleast get my 15 mins of fame this way.

The school song

God, keep this school and all who herein dwell
Safe from all harm and evil's mighty spell
Teach us to live so one and all may be
Proud of this land and man's equality
God grant that we may live in liberty

Lead us along the path of good and right
Lead us to greatness always in thy sight
All in the school who grow from year to year
May know the truth that thou art always near
And give their best without regret or fear

So in the end this school may grow in fame
All who are here may loudly sing its name
And through the years and from each day to day
May we have cause to rise and proudly say
God bless this school and all who herein dwell

While researching for my dissertation I came across a link to my school's page on wiki....and lo...found the school song on it........brings back quite a few memories......its a small world after all

Maaaa Dekho meri photo paper mein ayi hai

http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Repository/ml.asp?Ref=VE9JQS8yMDA4LzEyLzAxI0FyMDIxMDU=&Mode=HTML&Locale=english-skin-custom

there was another in the Indian Express haven't been able to get a link to that yet....will update later


P.s. @ Alien(Curdrice)...... I know u've mentioned somewhere that u hope to see me in the papers someday....howz this for a start??? :P

The Stage

For as long as I can remember now I've wanted to be on stage...wanted to perform...and now I'm getting to live it out(I've been on stage before but this is different). It's small step towards a bigger dream, lets see how things pan out.

The time spent on stage is interesting to say the least...yes you are involved, you get to watch the audience react and all that but when for most part of the play, you have to stay motionless its strenuous. Excruciating pain, back,heels and claves get fucked...being still is quite a pain, especially for someone who is fidgety and restless like me. Its like a huge relief when the lights are on you, and you can move :P....for all 8 of us in the mob movement is quite valuable.




Well the first show went of quite well, the audience seemed to like it, but then again they were all MICANs, lets see how the paying public reacts.











I'm glad I got this opportunity, once the student life ends...I dunno I'd get to be on stage or not....this is not the kind of role I wanted but nevertheless I got to experience what it feels like to be on stage...and I'm glad I tried.








Come to think of it, 'trying' is why I'm happy with myself.....and that is why I'm still alive.

As a kid I wanted to be a fighter pilot, n hell I tried real hard to be one...too bad my spine didn't meet the required standards...but I tried.

I also I wanted to be a cricketer, I tried (I may not have tried hard enough and there were other circumstances,issues but yes I did try).

There are so many other things I wanna do, a whole bunch of adventure sports, whole bunch of places to go to, things to try and I know I will try, the first opportunity I get I'll try and make it happen.

There are times I've felt I've got the wrong end of the stick, be it with friends,family or in any other setting but I find solace in the fact that I have always given it my best shot, have always tried. I've done things which were detrimental to my ego...but I did them just to try and make things work.


I know I've always tried hard and have no regrets.I know there is nothing else I could've done in all those situations.....have no 'what if I had done this', no 'why didn't I do this' , no 'if only'.....for this and this alone I'm at peace with myself. Being at peace with yourself is a huge driving force, you can be cross with the guy who messed up your order, the guy who gave you a blazer 2 sizes smaller, the guy who cut you off on the road....but you cant be cross with yourself and survive.


The post started out as something and has ended up being something else....signs of aging :P or may be its just the thoughts that ran through my head while I was on stage.

Should end it here now.

Cheers.....the stage beckons

P.s. the pics were taken either during rehearsals or its just me posing....will put up proper pics of the play after assimilating and compiling them from various sources.

Holding up alright....may be :)

కలహాల ప్రేయసి

విరహమే లేక కవితలే రావు కవుల హృదయాలలో,
పువ్వు రాలాకే పిందే పుడుతుంది ప్రకృతి పూతోటలో.
నన్ను కవినే చేస్తావో??? ప్రేమ ఫలమై వస్తావో???
కలహాల ప్రేయసి!!!

For all those who can't read Telugu. Will attempt to translate it.



Without separation/grief, a poet wouldn't be able to pen a poem,
It is only after the flowers wilt, that the trees in nature's gardens bear fruit.

Oh my quarreling darling.....
will you make me a poet or will you be the fruit of love???




Pardon my shady translation....haven't done justice to the song by far. This is one of my all time favourite songs...from the movie Panchatantharam(2002) by Kamal Hassan. Wish I could've done a better job.

Growing up too soon

Spoiler: This is not a post about how kids have more spending power, how kids today are vital for every marketeer....this is far from mktg...so if u happen to have come across this, through google while searching for material for ur assignment...read no further...this is about ME.


Growns up are so messed up aren't they???

Should do the right thing....every thing is cut and dry...black and white...right and wrong.
Have to understand the other person...empathise..sympathise blah blah.
Rules,codes,standards,adherence to them.


Where the fuck has the kid who wants everything gone? Why the hell can't he get what he wants anymore? Why can't he just throw a tantrum,wail and scream his lungs out whenever he wants to?

Why do I have to succumb/accept to certain things??? just because I'm an adult and "need to behave like one".


N with me I think this growing up, process has just gone from point A to point F. Being exposed to a lotta situations very early on in life, did make me smart or whatever u wanna call it, but it also killed the kid. Analysing, toning down, trying to not make the same mistakes that I've seen ppl around me make.


See I even talk like some granddad now....fuck man....just so pissing off.

From Kill the baby to Kill the TWINS

A fat loss regimen gone horribly wrong..thats what it is.


Gymming,sports were workin...fat loss beginin to show...n the lazy me discontinues it. Now a bigger paunch. Look like I'm pregnant with twins.



Ok thats enough self depreciation.

Staring into nothing

Have you ever just looked through things? I mean you look at something, your mind recognizes but doesn't register colours,shapes,forms,depth and all that. But nothing more than that....you just continue staring at/into thin air.

A mind devoid of thoughts......I see most people around me with thoughts running in their heads ...worried,happy,stressed,concerned,angry,sad....but when I'm blank like this...nothing...no emotions...no thoughts...just mere processing of information that my eyes pass on to my brain.


N lately,it's been happening to me quite often. It's very fascinating, when i snap out of it ( warning/disclaimer:I AM NOT ON ANY DRUGS....these are not trips or psychic visions). I wonder how this happens to me involuntarily, I guess this is my brain's/mind's way of chilling out...it's as if it says "fuck u I need a break n I'm gonna shutdown... n close myself off from the world around u"

N its very different from the lost in thoughts types stare...here you move around a little, scratch yourself etc but fundamentally its all blank. I dunno if this what happens when you meditate. But I don't think its the same thing.


It also gets me thinking.... if this how comatose people feel or if this how a newborn sees the world.



Do let me know if any of you have experienced anything similar.

P.s. not a 'feeling low' post...no pity or sympathy comments please

Amnesia

Its very funny not having any memories of a few hrs in your life.....its not like I've forgotten just that I absolutely have no memories.


Cause:Alcohol overdose.
Effect: No cognizance/memory of around 2 hrs in my life.


I'm not embarrassed or worried about what I might have done....but It's eerie feeling not knowing anything about those hrs.

What makes it worse is when ppl come up to u and ask u about that night n all u can manage is a sheepish grin. Different ppl have been telling me different things...n I dunno what to say....all I do is 'errrrrrr okkkkk'

Phew!!! Some night that!!!

8x10 की दुनिया

क्या मेरी दुनिया बस चंपा 4 तक ही सिमट कर रहगयी है?
क्या मैं बस लोगों को आते जाते, मेरी खिड़की के सामने से गुज़ृते हुए देखता ही रह जाऊंगा?
क्या मैं अपने आप में इतना खो गया हूँ की मुझे कोई और नज़र अत ही नही या फिर क्या इसीलिए मैं किसी को नज़र अता नही?

It's not just about feeling wanted or liked....its much more than that....it's as if I'm existing for no specific reason. For who,what and why am I? Does anybody need me at all? Do I need anybody? Do they really need to need to me? Does a loner like to be alone or is it that he has no choice but to be one????

At some level I'm to blame for this distance that I seem to have created between everybody else and me(or is it I???...don't really give a fuck about grammar right now). In trying to shield myself from all the things I don't like...I've insulated myself in my own little cocoon. In trying to become self sufficient ,self reliant, independent and happy with myself; I think I've alienated myself from everyone else.


I can't remember the last time I was truly happy or excited....no it's not like I'm leading a morose and stale life but there is definitely a lack of excitement. I mean the only time there is nothing on my mind is probably when I'm playing a sport, where I just focus on doing well and winning.

It's not that all is dark here....I enjoy the company of my girlfriend, think we have a pretty neat thing going........
.......but there is still something that's missing in my life or so I think/feel. Desperately need to know what that elusive something is?(may be it's just a stiff drink :P) I dunno sometimes I feel I'm being too demanding, aiming for perfection even where I don't need it.



Time to post this, shut the lid and stare at the ceiling as I lay down in my '8x10 ki duniya'.

Gimme my piece of the sun

Victim of 'Nek Irade'

How many times have we heard "Is duniya mein bhale/sharif admi ke liye koi jagah nahi"

yeah well that is how i feel right now. Well me with all my altruist n sometimes philanthropic irade go out of my way to make ppl feel comfortable or help them out n in the end i get blamed for causing harm to them. Simple things, innocius albeit unsolicited advice, all with good intentions more often than not backfire.


I'm begining to wonder if i should just shut my trap n let ppl b on their 'halath'....


Arrrrrgggghhhh...fuck it...too shitty...too fucked in the head right now.