Sunday, September 14, 2008


Its very funny not having any memories of a few hrs in your life.....its not like I've forgotten just that I absolutely have no memories.

Cause:Alcohol overdose.
Effect: No cognizance/memory of around 2 hrs in my life.

I'm not embarrassed or worried about what I might have done....but It's eerie feeling not knowing anything about those hrs.

What makes it worse is when ppl come up to u and ask u about that night n all u can manage is a sheepish grin. Different ppl have been telling me different things...n I dunno what to say....all I do is 'errrrrrr okkkkk'

Phew!!! Some night that!!!

Friday, September 12, 2008

8x10 की दुनिया

क्या मेरी दुनिया बस चंपा 4 तक ही सिमट कर रहगयी है?
क्या मैं बस लोगों को आते जाते, मेरी खिड़की के सामने से गुज़ृते हुए देखता ही रह जाऊंगा?
क्या मैं अपने आप में इतना खो गया हूँ की मुझे कोई और नज़र अत ही नही या फिर क्या इसीलिए मैं किसी को नज़र अता नही?

It's not just about feeling wanted or liked....its much more than's as if I'm existing for no specific reason. For who,what and why am I? Does anybody need me at all? Do I need anybody? Do they really need to need to me? Does a loner like to be alone or is it that he has no choice but to be one????

At some level I'm to blame for this distance that I seem to have created between everybody else and me(or is it I???...don't really give a fuck about grammar right now). In trying to shield myself from all the things I don't like...I've insulated myself in my own little cocoon. In trying to become self sufficient ,self reliant, independent and happy with myself; I think I've alienated myself from everyone else.

I can't remember the last time I was truly happy or it's not like I'm leading a morose and stale life but there is definitely a lack of excitement. I mean the only time there is nothing on my mind is probably when I'm playing a sport, where I just focus on doing well and winning.

It's not that all is dark here....I enjoy the company of my girlfriend, think we have a pretty neat thing going........
.......but there is still something that's missing in my life or so I think/feel. Desperately need to know what that elusive something is?(may be it's just a stiff drink :P) I dunno sometimes I feel I'm being too demanding, aiming for perfection even where I don't need it.

Time to post this, shut the lid and stare at the ceiling as I lay down in my '8x10 ki duniya'.