Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Not much has changed since

Barring physical aspects like facial hair, body weight and hormone levels & the addition of a few letters after my name {B.Tech (I.T.) , PGDM (C) }nothing really has changed over the last decade or to be specific ever since I finished 12th.

Here I am, goalless, ambition-less (well it's not all that bleak, there are like really long term big picture things like owning a restaurant/pub etc etc but nothing for the near future) and clueless for the most part of my waking moments. It's almost a zombie like existence, doing certain things cos they need to be done to stay alive or cos I have nothing better do.

I really don't know what it is that I wanna do in life or what it is that I like doing?

For as long as I can remember I wanted to be fighter pilot. I tried real hard to be one, cleared all the tests, interviews etc only to be told I couldn't be one cos spine isn't the way it ought to be.

That's it....that was the day that I thought, ok life doesnt end here...I'll figure something out, 7 years hence and I still haven't.

So let's look at a time line here.
At 17
Joined engineering cos that was the easiest possible next step, midway through it realised I don't wanna write code for a living. Age: 20 years Status: still clueless

At 21
Looked for the most exciting possible prospect. Thought advertising would be it. Status: Not entirely sure, but seemed like the best possible option.

At 23
Got a MBA, got a job, everything seemed to be fine. Thought I made the right choice.

Here I am at 24, quit my job, dunno what I'm gonna do next. Ok then again, my quitting my job had a whole lotta other factors involved and advertising might still be THE thing. But fact is at the big picture level I dunno what I'm meant to do, what my true calling is?

Ok let's stop the career talk here...I'll make money one way or the other, I'm still young there is still hope.

What about stuff like relationships, friends blah blah and all those things that matter to normal people.

I have some really nice friends, but I dunno if I can really call anyone a best friend, that is more my fault than theirs actually, have too many hangups n issues in life I guess. Have had little or no social life after I've moved to Bombay (while I was working had no time, when I did had no energy and now that I've quit, and have all the time in the world, I can't cos I don't think it's wise to splurge the little savings that I have)

So there you have it......I am 24, unemployed, aimless, not a single date in sight let alone a relationship, lost and most romantic comedies this would be the low point of the protagonist's life...looks like trash, eats cold pizzas etc etc...well since this is real life, I still enjoy my drink and a nice lil tandoori chicken. (Don't really know the purpose of the last few lines, but they seem funny so i'll keep em)

I am therefore as good or as bad as I was when I was 17.

Reminds of Sinatra's song 'It was a very good year........'