Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Not much has changed since

Barring physical aspects like facial hair, body weight and hormone levels & the addition of a few letters after my name {B.Tech (I.T.) , PGDM (C) }nothing really has changed over the last decade or to be specific ever since I finished 12th.

Here I am, goalless, ambition-less (well it's not all that bleak, there are like really long term big picture things like owning a restaurant/pub etc etc but nothing for the near future) and clueless for the most part of my waking moments. It's almost a zombie like existence, doing certain things cos they need to be done to stay alive or cos I have nothing better do.

I really don't know what it is that I wanna do in life or what it is that I like doing?

For as long as I can remember I wanted to be fighter pilot. I tried real hard to be one, cleared all the tests, interviews etc only to be told I couldn't be one cos spine isn't the way it ought to be.

That's it....that was the day that I thought, ok life doesnt end here...I'll figure something out, 7 years hence and I still haven't.

So let's look at a time line here.
At 17
Joined engineering cos that was the easiest possible next step, midway through it realised I don't wanna write code for a living. Age: 20 years Status: still clueless

At 21
Looked for the most exciting possible prospect. Thought advertising would be it. Status: Not entirely sure, but seemed like the best possible option.

At 23
Got a MBA, got a job, everything seemed to be fine. Thought I made the right choice.

Here I am at 24, quit my job, dunno what I'm gonna do next. Ok then again, my quitting my job had a whole lotta other factors involved and advertising might still be THE thing. But fact is at the big picture level I dunno what I'm meant to do, what my true calling is?

Ok let's stop the career talk here...I'll make money one way or the other, I'm still young there is still hope.

What about stuff like relationships, friends blah blah and all those things that matter to normal people.

I have some really nice friends, but I dunno if I can really call anyone a best friend, that is more my fault than theirs actually, have too many hangups n issues in life I guess. Have had little or no social life after I've moved to Bombay (while I was working had no time, when I did had no energy and now that I've quit, and have all the time in the world, I can't cos I don't think it's wise to splurge the little savings that I have)

So there you have it......I am 24, unemployed, aimless, not a single date in sight let alone a relationship, lost and most romantic comedies this would be the low point of the protagonist's life...looks like trash, eats cold pizzas etc etc...well since this is real life, I still enjoy my drink and a nice lil tandoori chicken. (Don't really know the purpose of the last few lines, but they seem funny so i'll keep em)

I am therefore as good or as bad as I was when I was 17.

Reminds of Sinatra's song 'It was a very good year........'


Quicksilver said...

Get your ass to Hyd man. Will meet up. Punch some shit up. No we're not best friends, but yeah, you're a friend nevertheless. So maakade, vachei, rachcha cheddam

Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

NAcheese said...

Atleast it reminds you of a gud song...

enjoy that!!


AS... said...

OMG!!! I am no different!!.. i totally identify with what u wrote..maybe that's the case with most of us 20 somethings today..

"Here I am at 24, quit my job, dunno what I'm gonna do next. Ok then again, my quitting my job had a whole lotta other factors involved and advertising might still be THE thing. But fact is at the big picture level I dunno what I'm meant to do, what my true calling is?"

Akshay said...



@ AS
may be midlife crisis has advanced 10-15 yrs with our generation :P

AS... said...

it is quarter life crisis actually... that happens in the 20s..

but, technically speaking, with avg life expectancy around 65 in India, shdn't quarter life crisis be when we around 16ish 17ish.. :P

Anonymous said...

nice post. reminds me of the akshay i knew when we were both 17. before ur hangups, issues, misunderstandings...ditto for me too. :D


Akshay said...

@^^ can i know who u r n which misunderstanding u r referin to if u comment 'anonymously'.

Mr.Obtuse said...

If it's any consolation, most of us, at this point in life have no clue as to what we want to do in life.

At least you had the brains to go after something in life when you were only 17! You gave it your best and you have nothing to regret.

I, on the other hand, chose to be a part of the 'herd' and ended up being a corporate slave.

If there's anything I've learnt though, it's that -- it is okay to be clueless, it is okay to not know what you want to do in life, it's okay if you don't have a lot of money, it is okay if you don't have a job and it is okay if you don't have a girlfriend. All in good time.

It's only a matter of time before you get yourself another job and a girl. You'll figure something out. And we both know that.

As far as the 'best friend' part is concerned -- regardless of whether or not you consider anyone your best friend, I'm sure a lot of your friends consider you theirs. I sure do! You're one of the best friends I have.

Everybody has their hangups and issues. And it's completely okay!

You've always talked sense into me when I needed it the most. And helped me deal with shit innumerable times. I know I'm not smart enough to talk sense into you but know that I know exactly what you're going through & just how you feel.

It's just a phase, it'll pass.

And you really need to get your ass here sometime so we can introspect/retrospect or whatever it is that you do when you're drunk!